


All the Courage You Have Left

by stardropdream (orphan_account)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-24
Updated: 2013-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-03 10:41:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/697388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/stardropdream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Antonio never asks the right questions and Lovino is too afraid to see the real reasons behind the questions. </p><p><b>Pairing:</b> "one-sided" Antonio/Lovino</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the Courage You Have Left

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on LJ February 25, 2012.

Antonio isn’t sure when he first began to notice it. Maybe it started at once, or maybe it was a gradual build-up, but for all he knew—there was still a lot he didn’t know. But he’s started to notice—or perhaps, just started to hope. He notices the way Lovino stares at him for a long time, notices the way he sometimes blushes when their eyes meet, notices how he bites at his lip just before he starts to yell, notices how his touch lingers at world meetings.   
  
Perhaps it’s wishful thinking on Antonio’s part. After all, he’s never questioned that he loves Lovino. There was the period of time when he struggled between the platonic and non-platonic, came to terms with viewing Lovino as a man rather than a child. But though the kind of love had changed over the centuries, the intensity and passion for which he loved had not. The world had changed, they had changed, and everything else may have changed—but Antonio loving Lovino had not.   
  
Antonio takes to watching Lovino sometimes. He can’t help it—Lovino is too cute, too handsome, too _anything_ to ignore. Besides, he pouts when he’s ignored. And while Antonio enjoys the pouts, he doesn’t quite enjoy the subsequent beatings and yellings that follow.   
  
And part of him had begun to think that, maybe, Lovino loves him back.   
  
He notices the blushes now. He notices the avoiding glances. He notices. And if he knew anyone better than himself, it _is_ Lovino… right? Who else has been near him for so long, stuck near him as long as Lovino has? Who else understood the shared history? Who else was always there, in the back of his mind, always a part of his fondest memories?   
  
The thoughts become so certain that the logical thing is to say it. Antonio is never one to keep secrets, and a secret like this is meant to be shared, isn’t it?   
  
He walks with Lovino often. After world meetings, after visits, after dinner…  
  
It’s comforting to enjoy the evening with Lovino. A beautiful night is usually accompanied by Lovino’s complaints and frustrations, but that, too, had become something as necessary as the silver pepper of stars in the sky. It had become something precious, something that Antonio wouldn’t change for the world.   
  
They’re walking now, and Antonio comes back to himself when Lovino hits him on the shoulder and shouts, “Bastard, I’m talking to you and all you’re doing is wandering around with that stupid fucking vacant look on your face! Pay attention.”  
  
“Sorry, Lovi,” Antonio says apologetically, laughing.   
  
“Just don’t do it again, damn it,” Lovino mutters, looking away and—ah—there it is, that blush. It always makes him look so cute.   
  
“What were you saying?”  
  
“I’m cold,” Lovino says.  
  
It’s a warm night, just a touch near balmy, and Antonio looks at him mystified. Then he begins to slip off his jacket.  
  
This clearly isn’t what Lovino intended. His face colors brilliantly and he shoves at Antonio. “Bastard, don’t give me your jacket like I’m some girl!”  
  
Antonio laughs, mystified, and slips his jacket back over his shoulder. Lovino resumes his complaining, rejecting all of Antonio’s attempts to melt his icy expression. But this is tradition, as well. They walk together, all the same.   
  
“Hey…” Antonio says quietly, weighing his words, because the last thing he wants is to make Lovino scared. “Can I ask you something?”  
  
“What?” Lovino asks, frowning.  
  
“I might be completely wrong and in that case, please say so, but…” Antonio pauses, unsure for once. He pauses in his walk, leaning against a tree lining the path. Lovino stares at him like he’s out of his mind.   
  
“Spit it out!” Lovino shouts as soon as the pause drags on a beat too long.  
  
Antonio tilts his head to the side and asks, “Do you love me?”   
  
There’s a still silence and Antonio finds himself holding his breath as he watches Lovino. Lovino stares at him, first looking surprised, and then coloring brilliantly.  
  
“W-what the hell?” is all Lovino can manage to say.  
  
“I don’t mean as a friend does, I mean—”  
  
“I know what you meant,” Lovino says, a bit hysterically. “W-what the hell?” he manages to say again, staring at Antonio with wide, terrified eyes. “Of course I don’t, idiot,” Lovino shouts, and then starts to laugh, but it sounds a pitch too high for Lovino’s natural laugh (which in of itself is a rare thing to hear). “What the hell? Who would love an idiot like you? Bastard, are you that full of yourself?”  
  
Antonio frowns a bit, scratching at his chin. “Oh, okay.”   
  
He shrugs one shoulder, and smiles brightly at Lovino, just as he always has, just as he always will—because what else can he do but that?   
  
He starts walking again.   
  
“I was wrong, then,” Antonio says, with a cheerful laugh.   
  
Lovino looks away, but falls in step beside him.   
  
The rest of their walk is in silence and when they get to Lovino’s door, Lovino fiddles with his keys, nearly dropping them. When he manages to open the door, he looks back at Antonio.   
  
Their eyes lock for a moment, and Antonio hopes that the smile on his face isn’t too painted on, hopes that he hasn’t made Lovino too uncomfortable with his forwardness, with his assumptions.   
  
Lovino looks as if he’s on the verge of saying something, but then something makes him stop, and he lowers his eyes.   
  
“Hey, I…”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Nevermind.”   
  
They stand in silence. Lovino studies his keys as if they’re the most interesting things on the planet. Antonio wishes to catch his eye again, but Lovino refuses to raise his eyes.   
  
“Goodnight, Lovi,” Antonio says, kindly.  
  
Lovino gives him a sharp look and goes inside his house without another word, shutting the door with a snap.   
  
Antonio makes his way home that night, hands in his pockets and lost in space. His eyes drift back and forth between reality and the stars above him.   
  
At a crosswalk, he pauses and sighs.   
  
“I was wrong, then,” he says again, and his smile turns a touch sad. “Too bad.”


End file.
